oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
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Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
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I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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