We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
