OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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