My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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