I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize