shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
