I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
