she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize