I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
pray to the hookup gods
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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