Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
