I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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