I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
