Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
We just shotgunned beers for America
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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