2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Randomize
