The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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