I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I FOUND THE LEGS
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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