I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
