a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
