oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
