You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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