I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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