I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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