There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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