...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Randomize
