guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
