im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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