I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
