She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
