That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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