They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
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well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
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You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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