Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
