And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize