you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
