He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
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