It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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