yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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