Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
