ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
