Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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