Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
