I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
