the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
