How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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