I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
