Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
We talked him into tasing himself.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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