i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
