Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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