I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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