At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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