It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
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I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
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I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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