dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
