i just made my gag reflex go away.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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