So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
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