it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
