Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
