I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
