they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
