Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
