i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
